When I first heard about "Girlfriend Getaways," I thought:  "Honey, your hot friend Samantha isn't going too, is she?  Because if she's around and you aren't…"

I got out of that relationship roughly three seconds later, out of consciousness four seconds later, and out of the body cast two months after that.

When I next got the chance to think about Girlfriend Getaways, after months of learning to love – and walk – again, I thought that it sounded like a great idea.  You know why?  Because most people aren't that interesting, and about six months into a relationship, you run out of stories to tell each other.  This way, she'll have new and exciting experiences to tell me about, and I'll have a weekend or more to indulge in the shamefully childish lifestyle of a single dude.  I can play video games all day, eat pizza for every meal, never shower, and she won't be around to love me any less for it.

 (Ed note:  Pistols is shy.  Or a communist.)